Grazing The Greener Grass

Grazing The Greener Grass

7^th of 10 in a Series

Realizing Revival by following the Rules

November 7, 1998

Rev. Charles S. Mims

Thou shalt not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14)

Preparing for this message in our series gave me the most pause. It seems that this is a difficult passage to discuss. Sexuality was a taboo topic when I was growing up, and even as an adult it is a topic difficult for me to talk about. Another factor is the make up of our congregation, the urgency of this passage just doesn't seem to be there when dealing with our family here. Yet in order to complete the series it was necessary to overcome these stumbling blocks and look for a way to present this commandment in such a way as to feed you spiritually, while not offending you at the same time. I fully recognize that almost all of you are Senior Adults, and most of you have had, or still continue to have long-lasting Holy Spirit filled marriages. It is my prayer this morning that through the presentation of God's Word today you will be able to carry something home with you that you might be able to use in your walk with Christ. Perhaps you may use something said this morning to help another couple whose relationship is in danger. Perhaps through the presentation of God's Word you will find God's wonderful forgiveness for past indiscretions. Please allow the Holy Spirit to guide you this morning as we break the bread of life together.

The 1631 edition of the King James Bible came to be known as the Wicked Bible. When it was being compiled, the printers made an error and one word was left out of Exodus 20:14. The word, "not", was accidentally excluded and the verse read, "Thou shalt commit adultery." On the basis of our society's morals it seems to me that there are many who would prefer the edition of the Wicked Bible. Sexual sin and adultery is widespread in our culture today. Studies reveal that 40 to 50 percent of all married men have had an extramarital affair. One survey pointed out that nearly 70 percent of all married men under the age of forty expect to have an extramarital relationship. Can you believe that! Seventy percent of an entire age group expect to be unfaithful to their wives. Men however are not alone in this. Studies also reveal that 41 percent of married women admit that they have cheated on their husbands. Maybe you are thinking, "I know it's bad in our secular society, but it is not a problem among Christians." I wish that were true. In a survey of subscribers to "Christianity Today" magazine, 45 percent of the respondents admitted to having committed adultery. Josh McDowell, who has done extensive studies of Christian young people in the area of sexual purity, states that his surveys have revealed that even among young people in evangelical churches in America 43% of them say they have become sexually active before the age of 18. Billy Graham has called immorality an epidemic in our churches in America....

Copied from http://www.zoomnet.net/~dooley/time7.txt

It seems, if you listen to modern day moralists, that infidelity is a 90's problem. It seems like we have reached epidemic proportions, and it seems that a monogamous relationship is relatively rare. Yet if we lay all of the blame on our current permissive society, we are not being totally honest. Adultery is not a 90's problem, it is not a product of the 60's sexual revolution. It is not a result of the invention of the birth control pill, or the legalization of abortion. Adultery is a human problem, dating back to the beginning of time. It is not something new that we have to deal with, it is instead a problem that has plagued mankind for thousands of years. It is a plague that is curable if we would follow the prescription. God was aware of our human failings and gave us a way to keep from allowing it in our lives.

This morning we are going to decide what adultery is, why it is important to not commit it, what causes it, and how we can avoid it.

What is Adultery?

The first problem we encounter when talking about the 7^th Commandment is deciding just what it means. What is adultery? We are not alone in our confusion, as witnessed in this exchange with a small child:

As children's pastor, I listened as a fourth-grade Sunday school teacher shared a concern. Completing a quarter's lessons on the Ten Commandments, he had asked the kids, "What is the hardest Commandment for you to keep?" to which most of them responded, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

We couldn't understand why fourth graders would find that command a problem until a mother quizzed her son on what he thought committing adultery meant. Without blinking, the boy replied, "Thou shalt not sass back to adults."

Sheryl Tedder, Omaha, Nebraska. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

That sounds amusing, and makes us chuckle a little bit, but the reality is that we as adults have a difficult time defining adultery. Part of our difficulty lies in our natural reticence to discuss sexual matters. We have learned over our lives, and rightfully so I might add, that some things just aren't discussed. But perhaps we have done lasting damage to generations after us by making sex a taboo topic. God created sexual relations, and sex is a beautiful, wonderful creation. It is a method of expressing the God given love between a man and a woman. It is not the dirty act that most of us carry in our mind, nor was it given to us by God simply for procreation. God gave us this beautiful relationship to enhance our pleasure with our spouse.

However, here lies the first facet of adultery. Sex was intended to be between a man and a woman joined together in a bond of commitment. This is the only acceptable form of sexual expression to God. One man, One woman joined together in a bond of matrimony. All other forms of sexual expression are sinful and to be considered adultery. This bond of matrimony is a sacred vow. Men, we vow before God and man to remain faithful to that one woman that God has given us. Women, we vow before God and man to remain faithful to that one man that God has given us. Any deviation from that vow and we have wandered into the very dangerous territory of adultery.

Another facet of this commandment lies in what the King James Version of the Bible likes to call fornication. I believe that this prohibition against adultery covers all manner of sexual sin including pre-marital as well as extra-marital sex. Nowadays when we want to get married, we go to the clerk of the court, pay our money, sign a license, then find an approved person to perform a legal binding ceremony. The marriage contract is a legally binding document and must be attended to according to the laws of your locality. In the State of Florida any ordained minister can legally perform a ceremony, as can a justice of the peace, a circuit court judge, a ship captain while in open waters, and a notary public. To God however, the marriage contract is much, much more than just a legal document. It is a promise. A bond. In ancient days marriage didn't have all these legal documents and licenses and such. A man took a man to become his wife by having sexual relations with her. This act of love was the bond of the relationship and signified marriage. This is why pre-marital sex is prohibited in this command. Following this line of logic, a person is married to each person he or she has sexual relations with. Can you begin to see the havoc this wreaks upon God's ideal of one man and one woman for eternity? How many of us are running around today as virtual bigamists because of sexual impurity? Any sex outside the bonds of marriage is forbidden by this commandment. Again, marriage is God's ideal of one man, and one woman, any other sexual relations are not acceptable to God.

There is no getting away from it: the old Christian rule is "Either marriage, with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence." Chastity is the most unpopular of our Christian virtues.

-- C.S. Lewis, 20th century Christian author. Men of Integrity, Vol. 1, no. 1.

Perhaps however, we feel confident we have not violated God's commandment here. We don’t have much to worry about, or so we think. Let's turn to the third facet of this commandment. Let's see what Jesus had to say about adultery.

The Holy Bible, King James Version

Matthew 5:27 through Matthew 5:30
²⁷Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: ²⁸But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. ²⁹And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. ³⁰And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Now then…that changes the complexion of this discussion a bit doesn't it? Jesus is telling us that you and I have to control our thoughts as well as our actions. You see if we can control our thoughts, the temptation to do the action will not be there. Now let's be clear here. We are not talking about seeing a beautiful woman walking down the road, and we notice her beauty. We are not talking about a woman seeing a handsome man pass by and she notices that he is nice looking. We are talking about seeing that same man or woman and longing for them. Wanting to be with them instead of our spouse. This, according to Christ, is adultery too. Adultery obviously begins in the heart.

Why is this command important?

First, violating this command attacks the foundation of marriage which God has set up. When you have sexual relations with a person, this unique union makes you one with that person. You have given of yourself to them. This type of gift is not a casual gift. When we violate this commandment, we destroy the trust that is necessary to maintain a marriage relationship.

Second, violating this command breaks the relationship between you and God. God cannot tolerate a sinful lifestyle. When you and I live our lives outside of the will of God, we are damaging our relationship with Him. We must avoid sexual sin in order to maintain the connection we need with God.

The last two reasons this command is important really fall hand in hand with the first reason. Adultery causes great pain and suffering to all those involved. It causes pain to those that we love the most. It is difficult for the injured spouse to understand how it could have happened, and they often begin to blame themselves for the other one to cheat. This destroys a person's self esteem, and often causes depression. It also destroys families. Many marriages are ruined because of an adulterous relationship, and those families are split apart. We must guard against sexual impurity to protect those that we love the most.

Causes of Adultery

What causes us engage in such self-destructive behavior? Why would we do such things? Well for one reason, we are sinful creatures. It would be nice and easy for us to place the blame on our society. It would be an easy out to just say that society made me the way I am and let it go with that. But as we have noted, this problem of adultery is not a new one. Basically we are sinners. We have fallen short of the glory of God and we find it difficult to remain sinless. We also have a tendency to be dissatisfied with what we have, and to always be looking for something else. In essence, we always want to graze in the greener pastures. We have failed to appreciate the wondrous blessings that we have already been given.

Another factor in the prevalence of adultery is an unrestrained lifestyle. Many of you lived during the 60's. Most of you were not participants of that time, but you were alive during what became known as the sexual revolution. That sort of undisciplined lifestyle, where anything is permissible leads to a degradation of moral values. We must maintain spiritual and physical discipline in our lives to guard against any sin, but especially sexual sin.

How to Avoid Adultery

So, how do we avoid this disastrous sin? How do we guard against sexual impurity? Allow me to outline several suggestions. First marry a Christian. This may seem trivial, but if your spouse is a Christian the two of you can rely on each other in the Lord to overcome temptation. A Christian couple has resources that an unequally yoked couple would not be able to draw upon.

Next, make Christ the center of your family life. Everything that you and your family do must be centered upon Christ. He cannot be a side note or an after thought. If your life is centered around Christ, the temptations will be less attractive. Christ should permeate your life in all things. Christ should go with you to work, to play, to school...wherever you are, Christ should be at the heart of it. When Christ is the center of your life, you will avoid making choices in friends that will encourage sexual sin. You will surround yourselves with other Christ-like people.

Finally, make your spouse a priority in your life. Make him or her the most important person in your life. "I Only Have Eyes For You" should be more than just a trite saying, it should be reality in our lives. Men, make your wife feel special, make her feel important. A lot of discussion has gone on about the wife being submissive, but men, put your wife up on a pedestal. Adore her, love her with all of your heart. Let her know that there is no one else that can ever be as important to you as she is. Continue to court each other as you did before you married. Get to know each other so well that you meet each other's needs, both physically and emotionally. If you are meeting each other's needs, there will be less of a temptation to go elsewhere. Then avoid situations that are temptations. Watch your friendships, watch your actions, and be vigilant lest this deadly sin slip past your guard and destroy not only your life, but the lives of those around you.

This sin is not unforgivable. God can and will forgive an adulterer. The blood of Jesus can cover even this. But it is easier on those around us if we simply avoid sexual sin rather than rely on the forgiveness for it. If you are guilty of sexual sin, ask forgiveness, even if it is painful. Ask for it from both your spouse and your God. Listen to this testimony of forgiveness:

I went to Promise Keepers in Indianapolis, knowing God was going to deal with me in an area I had held on to for over a year. It's tragic to admit, but I had been unfaithful to my wife. Sure enough, God told me to tell her. I was frightened by the thought, yet I knew I had to tell her.

When I arrived home, after trying to ignore the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I acted upon God's promise, and I told my wife. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but God has been faithful.

My wife was very hurt and is still going through the process of healing, but she is committed to our marriage. God truly forgives a repentant heart. God honored my honesty. I had to be anchored in him to survive the storm that followed, but if I wanted to reach the full potential that a godly marriage has to offer, I had to confess, both to God and to my wife.

-- A promise keeper in Tennessee. Men of Integrity, Vol. 1, no. 2.

We must give our best to God, and to our mates. Nothing less is acceptable. Will you give our best to God today?