Because I Said So

Because I Said So

Realizing Revival by Following the Rules

Exodus 20:8

October 18, 1998

Rev. Charles Mims

Introduction

Don't tease your sister! Quit making her scream! Do you want a spanking? Quit jumping on that bed! This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. You don't want me to pull this car over! Children are starving in China, and you won't eat your meat…other children would love to have that meat. I told you to finish your homework. This room looks like a pigsty. Don't get smart with me! Do you think I was born yesterday? NO TV! Why don't you just grow up? If everyone else jumped off the bridge, would you? BECAUSE I SAID SO!

If you have said three or more of those statements, you are definitely a parent. If you have said all of them more than once you need a vacation. Parenting is an acquired skill, it is not one that we are born with, and frankly is probably not a skill that we will ever master. It is a responsibility as well, one which should give us pause.

A group of expectant fathers were in a waiting room, while their wives were in the process of delivering babies. A nurse came in and announced to one man that his wife had just given birth to twins. "What a coincidence," he exclaimed, "I play for the Minnesota Twins!" A few minutes later, the nurse came in again and announced to another man that he was the proud father of triplets. "That's amazing," he mused, "I work for the 3M company." At this point, the third man in the room slipped from his chair and hit the floor. When they were able to revive him, everyone wanted to know what was wrong. He said "I work for the 7-up Company!"

Kids keep you running, the keep you always on your toes. It has been said that insanity is hereditary… you get it from your kids. But no matter how many times they ask why, how many times the put salt in the sugar shaker, no matter how many challenging experiences they provide us we still love them. It is always worth the effort of being a parent. The 5^th Commandment deals with this parent/child relationship. It teaches children how to respect their parents, and parents how to respect their children.

Each family is like its own sovereign government. God has designed the family to function in such a way that it is self-contained and self-sufficient. Each home has it's own executive officers, it's own legislators, it's own supreme court and police force. Sometimes when small children are around, the family even has it's own CIA. The family serves as a child's primary center for education, health, housing, and nutrition. It is up to the parent to provide security, love, and understanding. Home is where our children learn to cope with life, and to manage their lives responsibly. Home is a safe place for children to discover themselves, and to formulate their ideas about who God is. While teaching our children all of these things, we find the core of these lessons are about respect and obedience. We must teach the coming generations about respecting authority. To see just how vitally important this is, look around you. Realize all of the problems we have, and you should be able to see that they arise from a disregard, and a lack of respect for, authority. This disrespect of authority has resulted directly from the degradation of family values. Values are to be taught in the home if they are to be used in the world. If we cannot teach our children to respect our own authority, we cannot expect them to respect the world's authority as adults. The 5^th Commandments sets forth the Biblical foundation for this statement.

The Requirements of this Commandment

Just what are the requirements of this commandment? If we are to obey this commandment and receive the blessings promised in verse 12 what is required of us? Well, to answer that question, let us look first at what is NOT required. We try to make this commandment, like many other things harder than it really is.

First, this commandment doesn't require us to think our parents are perfect. Which is probably a good thing, since I don't imagine most of us have perfect parents. Along the same line, it doesn't require that we as parents actually be perfect. Total perfection is not in the job description. We have to realize that within families there are going to be mistakes, there are going to sometimes be hurt feelings, and even arguments. We must realize that this will take place, and work through the difficult times in ways that please God.

A second thing this commandment does not require, it does not require us to always believe our parents are right. Nor does it inspire us as parents to believe we are always right. I say this because sometimes we parental types sometimes get an "I Am God" syndrome where we feel our solutions and answers are always the right ones. The frank truth is that sometimes even we parents are sometimes flat out wrong. If both we and our children can admit to our fallibility and place our overriding trust in God rather than humanity our relationships together will be that much stronger.

It does not require us to believe that our parents are totally worthy of honor. While we will address this more specifically in a moment, let me say now that the respect we give to our parents is not dependant upon their actions. Our parents will not always act honorably. In some instances children have been totally embarrassed by the actions and yes even the lifestyles of their parents. We are not required by this commandment to condone or participate in ungodly actions simply because our parents do it. We are not required to think everything our parents do is honorable.

Finally, this commandment does not require us to enjoy our parent's presence, or to be just like them. Allow me to qualify the first portion of that statement. By not enjoying our parent's presence all the time, I simply mean that if sometimes we would rather be alone, or wish they would just stay away for a little while, that is not necessarily breaking this commandment. It would depend upon the situation, and the way we express those feelings. Another thing that is not required is that we be just like our parents. To be sure, it is every father's dream to have his little boy do, and enjoy the exact same things he has done. To follow in his footsteps, so to speak. Unfortunately, this is truly unfair to our children to place this sort of burden upon them. Our children are not carbon copies of us, they have their own minds and wills. Our job is to guide them according to the principles of God's Word, and let them make the best decisions they can with the information available to them.

Now that we've looked at what this command does not mean, what does it require of us? Well, first of all, it means just what it says. It means, Children obey your parents. The title of this message is 'Because I Said So.' That applies to this command for the simple reason that our children should obey us simply because we say so, and even more to the point simply because GOD said so. God tells us to obey our parents in the lord because this is right. The parent is the ultimate authority figure in a child's life, and it should be expected of our children to unconditionally obey us. We won't always be right, and we will make mistakes, but our word should be final. If we have made a mistake, then it is incumbent upon us, not the children mind you, but upon us to correct that mistake through open and honest communication with our children. Parents are not to be tyrannical dictators, but neither are they to allow the children to become the parents. Allow me to take a side journey here if I may. Most of you listening this morning have raised your children, and many of you are now happily the grandparents. Grandparents need to allow the parents to make and learn from the same mistakes they made. You can guide and direct your children, but the final authority in discipline lies with them. Even in our own services, if a family with young children comes in, we must allow the parents to discipline the children in their own way. Even if we may not agree with it, or may think the child's actions are cute. If we undermine the authority of the parents, the children will never learn obedience. By the same token, when we realize that children in our church are doing something inappropriate we should inform the parents and allow them to take action rather than taking it upon our selves to do it for them. That bond through discipline between a parent and child is unique in each situation.

This commandment also requires us to respect our parents. We must hold our parents in a high place of honor, and have a certain respect for their authority. We might not always agree with them, or their actions, but we have an obligation to give to them respect. It has been said that respect is earned, well, I believe that scripturally, the fact that they are our parents makes that respect earned. We can even disagree with a punishment, or an attitude, but we must do it with respect. We can point out an error to our parents, so long as we do it respectfully.

Finally, this commandment requires us to love our parents. We must love them unconditionally. By the same thought, our parents must love us unconditionally. This bond between parent and child should be unbreakable. We must love our parents.

What does it take for us as parents to be worthy of our children's honor?

We've spent a good amount of time this morning on what the requirement means for our children, or us as children, but what does this commandment mean for us as parents? We must make our selves worthy of the respect that is commanded. We do this in several ways, the first of which is commitment.

We must be committed to Christ. If we are to expect our children to grow up with good values, and to be well disciplined in life, we must be committed to Christ. It is not enough to simply send our children to church, we must take them with us. If your children are grown, you must encourage them to take their own children to church. We must also be committed to the Word of God. We must truly believe his word, and make it the guiding principle for our life. We must also show a commitment to high moral values. The problems we are facing in our world today are the result of a decline in basic decency, and this decline began in the home. If we expect our children to have high moral values, we too must hold them. Keep in mind however, that we don't have to punish every mistake. An military officer had this to say:

Don't Punish Every Mistake In one of my assignments as a young infantry officer, I was sent to the 48th Infantry near Frankfurt, Germany. In those days our prize weapon was a huge 280-mm atomic cannon. Guarded by infantry platoons, these guns were hauled around the forests on trucks to keep the Soviets from guessing their location. One day Captain Tom Miller assigned my platoon to guard a 280. I alerted my men, loaded my .45 caliber pistol and jumped into my jeep. I had not gone far when I realized that my .45 was gone. I was petrified. In the army, losing a weapon is serious business. I had no choice but to radio Captain Miller and tell him. "You what?" he said in disbelief. He paused a few seconds, then added, "All right, continue the mission." When I returned, uneasily contemplating my fate, Miller called me over. "I've got something for you," he said, handing me the pistol. "Some kids in the village found it where it fell out of your holster." "Kids found it?" I felt a cold chill. "Yeah," he said. "Luckily they only got off one round before we heard the shot and took the gun away." The disastrous possibilities left me limp. "For God's sake, son, don't let that happen again." He drove off. I checked the magazine and found it was full. The gun had not been fired. Later I learned that I had dropped it in my tent before I ever got started. Miller had fabricated the scene about the kids to give me a good scare. Today the army might hold an investigation, call in lawyers and likely enter a bad mark on my record. Miller gave me the chance to learn from my mistake. His example of intelligent leadership was not lost on me. Nobody ever got to the top without slipping up. When someone stumbles, I don't believe in stomping on him. My philosophy is "Pick 'em up, dust 'em off and get 'em moving again."

By Colin Powell from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Barry Spilchuk

The second thing we can do to be worthy of honor is to show concern. We must be concerned about our children. We must balance our right to discipline our children with concern over their well being. We must protect our children from harm, and guide them out of trouble. We must provide for our children as much as we can. This doesn't necessarily mean that we give them everything they want, but it does mean that we give them everything that they need. Prayer is also a necessity. We should pray for our children each and every day. Pray that God will guide their decisions.

Thirdly, we must be consistent. Pay close attention to complaint number 7 in the illustration I am about to relate to you.

When the 10-year-olds in Mrs. Imogene Frost's class at theBrookside, N.J. Community Sunday School expressed their views of "What's wrong with grownups?" , they came up with these complaints:

Grownups make promises, then they forget all about them, or else they say it wasn't really a promise, just a maybe.
Grownups don't do the things they're always telling the children to do--like pick up their things, or be neat, or always tell the truth.
Grownups never really listen to what children have to say. They always decide ahead of time what they're going to answer.
Grownups make mistakes, but they won't admit them. They always pretend that they weren't mistakes at all--or that somebody else made them.
Grownups interrupt children all the time and think nothing of it. If a child interrupts a grownup, he gets a scolding or something worse.
Grownups never understand how much children want a certain thing--a certain color or shape or size. If it's something they don't admire--even if the children have spent their own money for it--they always say, "I can't imagine what you want with that old thing!"
Sometimes grownups punish children unfairly. It isn't right if you've done just some little thing wrong and grownups take away something that means an awful lot to you. Other times you can do something really bad and they say they're going to punish you, but they don't. You never know, and you ought to know.
Grownups are always talking about what they did and what they knew when they were 10 years old--but they never try to think what it's like to be 10 years old right now.

(For Families Only, J.A. Petersen, ed., Tyndale, 1977, p. 253)

We must punish our children when they do wrong. We must discipline them. We do this because we love them, however, we owe it to them to be fair and consistent. If something is wrong today, it should be wrong tomorrow and the next day as well.

Implementing this commandment in our lives

To follow this commandment we must choose to be obedient and respectful. It needs to be a willful act. To be honest, it is probably something that most of us will need to work on, and practice. We can also implement this commandment by showing our appreciation for our children, as well as our parents. It only takes a moment to say thank you, or to tell someone how much they mean to us, but that moment makes a world of difference. Sometimes our children, even if they are grown and gone, need to be reminded that they are still special to us. Understanding a persons need for uniqueness, and a persons yearning for that special feeling of being loved will help improve our relationships with those around us.

Frequent communication is also necessary to insure that we do not violate the fifth commandment. We must talk to each other. Children must feel secure and safe when talking to their parents. They must have the belief that they can bring any problem, no matter what it is, or what it is about, to their parents. Parents likewise must be willing to be open and honest with their children. Our children are generally smarter than we give them credit for, they pick up on tension in the home. The usually know when something is wrong, so it is always best to be upfront and honest with our children. Communication is key in any relationship, but it is doubly important in the parent/child relationship. In fact not only is it important, it is essential.

Finally, we absolutely must teach today's children the importance of family. It seems we live in an age where our family doesn't extend outside of the four walls of our house. There used to be a time when family ties were important. If we are going to experience revival in our land, we must bring families back together. Without a strong family background, our children and grandchildren, and great grandchildren will never form the moral values needed to change the tide. The family is breaking down, and it is our responsibility to stop the erosion. Families are important, and we need to teach our children to care for other family members in a loving manner.

Conclusion

The emphasis of this commandment is on our familial relationships. The first four commandments dealt with our relationship to God, the second five deal with our relationships to other people. I hardly think it coincidence that the very first commandment talking about others has something to do with the family. Our familial relationships are vitally important in our relationships towards others. If we cannot find love in our own families, we will never find it in the world.